Another Day, Another Knight...
by Jess Idres
Summary: Now Finished! A horrible little story starring my favorite couple of disaster, Cimorene & Mendanbar. Trouble just seems to follow them around, and I don't mean the cat! Reviews begged for.
1. Elves, tablecloths and Whiney Kings -or-...

  
Another day, Another Knight...  
By Jess Idres, Queen of the Enchanted Dorm Room.  
  
Welcome to my first horrible attempt at Enchanted Forest fan fiction. Before you start reading this little old work of mine.  
  
1) This is only the first chapter, but feel free to tell me whether I should jump into the Green Glass pond, or keep writing.  
2) I'm a Mendanbar/Cimorene fanatic. No buts about it. So this may be a little too fluffy for some of your tastes.  
3) Although I may seem sweet and innocent, I'm possessed by a demon that goes by the name of sordisious Romaniticus Novela. You have been warned.  
4) This takes place between books two and three, but personally I like to think 3 & 4 never existed. I blame the demon. Honest.  
  
For the love of Mendy, please read and review. Or I will turn you into a bright blue seven foot-eleven inch floating donkey with oversized wings. Honest.  
  
  
Chapter 1: Elves, tablecloths and Whiney Kings -or- Mendanbar hates Mondays.  
  
Mendanbar stifled a yawn as the various elf representatives argued over various nuances of the treaties between the various elf clans in the Enchanted Forest. He didn't even understand why he was here. They seemed to perfectly good at countering each other.   
He sighed inwardly and shifted in his chair behind the table. It was at times like this that he really wished he could take a vacation...even a honeymoon. Here he was, two months into his marriage, and he hadn't had even a day where he and Cimorene could spend time together alone. He wished she was here, she would get this sorted out in no time, leaving them to finally get some peace and quiet. His thoughts drifted further towards wife, wondering if she would home tonight. He hoped she would, for she gave the most glorious backrubs, and it always got him in the mood...  
Mendanbar was suddenly very glad for tablecloths.  
That shot it. He wasn't any use here, and he was pretty sure his being around was actually making the conversation worse. And given another hour the probably wouldn't even be able to talk straight if they did come to a conclusion in his...condition. "Gentlemen, this obviously will not be solved while we sit here. Why don't all of you regroup, work out the most of the kinks and have come back to me when you're finished. Good day." And with that, he transported himself back to the castle, safely back to the confines of the royal bedroom. After several futile attempt of getting off the bed to tell someone he was back, he fell back onto the bed and drifted quickly into slumber.  
  
"Mendanbar, are you in here, love?"  
Mendanbar groggily lifted his head off the pillow. "Mphf....Cimorene?" He rolled over to look at the door.  
Cimorene tried not to laugh. Something about the sleepy eyed look and messier than usual hair made him look utterly adorable. "Willian's been throwing a fit, wondering where you were."  
Mendanbar covered his head with a pillow. "I'm not going back out there! I don't wanna! You can't make me!"  
At this Cimorene couldn't help but laugh. "Don't worry. I told him you probably ran off to be a hermit somewhere. I think he started to foam at the mouth." She pushed her husband aside and sat down. Much to her dismay he kept rolling and fell of the other side of the bed. "Mendanbar, you alright?!"  
A snore answered her question.  
She grinned. "Lunkhead."  
  
Mendanbar padded into the royal kitchens. He really shouldn't have slept so much, but running around in circles trying to work everything out took a lot out of him. Particularly now that he was married, it seemed as if everyone wanted resume negotiating everything, dredging things that hadn't even been brought up until his father's day. Were they expecting him to change completely simply because he was married? He grimaced, for nothing ever seemed to be getting anywhere. He was he was allowed to sleep as long as he had; he was still have expecting Willian to come bursting in with another 'situation' that need his attention. Cimorene was right; he really did need a system so he wasn't run so ragged.  
He lit a little ball of light as he shuffled over to the pantry for something edible. Various cheeses, dried meats and various types of hard bread lined the shelves, half of them just from various wedding presents. He didn't even know what half of these things were in the first place. He quickly decided now was not the time to go into trying out new things, but he vowed for the 6th time this week that he was going to sit down and actually bother to see if those strange things from France and Germany were really any good. He quickly picked out a few things, grabbed a bottle of cider and headed back out to the kitchen's small table.  
He was surprised to find Cimorene asleep at the table on top of a rather thick book and the candle still burning. She looked so peaceful. She too was being run ragged, learning to adjust her skills as an administrator for the Enchanted Forest from the Mountains of Morning. She had to be uncomfortable, slouched like that. He smiled slightly, and ran her hand along her cheek into her loose dark hair.  
"Hmm?" she sleepily opened an eye. "Oh, I *yawn* must have dosed off..." She stretched languidly, and then wrapped her arms around her husband's midsection. "I think we need a day off, just the two of us. As soon as I finish getting this all set up, I don't think they'll need you so desperately all the time."  
"So we can run off and be hermits?" He sat down a nibbled on a cracker.   
Cimorene stole a piece of cheddar of his plate. "Yup, and you can spend an afternoon or two properly ravishing your wife." She giggled as Mendanbar put on a show of seriously considering her offer.  
"At least nothing has gone terribly wrong yet...who knows? This may actually work out." Mendanbar said before taking another bite.  
  
If only he knew the Murphy's laws....   



	2. Messengers, Trash Cans and warm Beds -or...

  
Hello again, folks! I'm back with round two of this sordid affair. Or at least I wish it was a sordid affair. I'll keep doing this only if you people are nice to me and give me reviews. Authors don't run off air, y'know. We run off candy, romance novels, and reviews. Shhh! You're not actually supposed to know that.  
  
I'm also holding Mendanbar hostage until I see some nice fluff in this category. Particularly Cimorene and Mendanbar fluff. PLEASE?  
  
Chapter 2: Messengers, Beds, and Trash Cans, -or- Rude Awakenings  
  
Mendanbar awoke with a groan. He had an enormous headache, and his heartbeat sounded like a sledgehammer in his head. Quite probably the cider had fermented, and he was suffering from a hangover, he mused. He considered just calling in sick, and push off getting out of bed. He didn't even know if he could call in sick. He'd ask Cimorene when she woke up. Right now he didn't want to deal with a cranky Queen, or anything at that matter.  
It was then that he found that the pounding wasn't his head, but the door. Grumbling about shoving a certain elf down the laundry chute, Mendanbar untangled himself from the sheets and his wife to see why someone was bothering to wake him up far too early in the morning.  
Willian indeed stood on the other side of the door, trying not to back up in fright at the sight of the King of the Enchanted Forest wearing a robe and large scowl. "Your Majesty, I hate to wake you at such an early hour, but there is a messenger here who won't give his message to anyone but you."  
Mendanbar's scowl didn't lessen in the least. "You did inform him that it's barely dawn, and most sensible people are asleep at this point of the day, correct?"  
Willian nodded. "He, ah, told me off, to put it bluntly, Your Majesty." Willian was obviously still in shock from such rude behavior. "He said he was contracted to get it here as fast as possible, not to wait courteously while...ah..." The elf looked torn over whether to state the exact truth, or stay on good side of the King's temperament.  
"Spit it out Willian. He said it, not you." Mendanbar lifted his head as Cimorene shuffled out of bed to stand next to him.   
"Tell him shove the stupid message where the sun don't shine." She muttered and put her head on her husband's shoulder.  
"Well...he, ah, I think his exact words were, 'I'm not paid to stand around while some ninny bonks his wife, shorty'...Sir I tried to tell-"  
Mendanbar cut him off with a slice of his hand. "I'm going to give this idiot a piece of my mind." With that he stomped down the hallway toward the main hall. "And then I'm coming back and do just what he thinks I was doing."  
Willian blinked, and Cimorene blushed as a smile spread across her face.  
  
The messenger stood in the main hallway, his face contorted into a sneer and dressed in the most absurd clothing Mendanbar had ever seen. Whatever little reservations Mendanbar had on hating the man were tossed out the window. Mendanbar wondered if he'd start an international incident if he stuffed the messenger into the trash can in the kitchen.  
He realized that he had forgotten a crown, and quickly pulled at the magic of the Enchanted forest to transport one from his study. He stuck it on his head, and pulled the robe tighter around him. He forgot how chilly the castle could get in the morning. Although there was never any sort of fall in the Enchanted Forest, the Frost Giants always brought cold weather and sometimes snow, making an odd winter for the country.  
He snapped back into focus. He still had to deal with the god-awful man who had gotten out of his warm bed in the first place. "Can I help you?" He semi-snarled as he walked into the hallway.  
"Yeah, you can wake your damned...king...uh-oh..." The messenger's bravado slipped when he noticed the crown situated on Mendanbar's head. He bowed very low, and extended a package out to the King. "I bring you a message from King of Eldanberg. He requested that you were the person I was to give it to, and no one else."  
Mendanbar looked at the package. He could tell that it indeed an enchanted object, but there were no signs of malevolent magic. It wasn't a curse or a cursed object, and it certainly seemed important. Just in case, he threw up a shield and took the package delicately. He opened it very slowly, and found inside a bright silver mirror.  
With a big flash of light, the mirror's surface swirled. A pompous looking young man in equally pompous looking clothing appeared. Small writing at the bottom declared this to be a prerecorded message. "Dear King of the Enchanted Forest, I wish to congratulate you on your recent marriage to the beautiful princess Cimorene. Unfortunately, I must be the bearer of bad news so soon after such a joyous event.   
I'm afraid I must declare war on you, King Mendanbar of the Enchanted Forest."  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
*Start playing ominous music...the Princess Mononoke soundtrack does nicely*   
  



	3. Magic Mirrors, Stuff Trashbins, and Sill...

  
Ok! I'm back with round three! And yes, I'm still holding Mendanbar hostage. More wonderful pieces of fiction in this section, gosh darn it! Thanks for the reviews that I've gotten so far. I hope I don't dissapoint you! I may not be able to get back to this for a week, seeing as the Enchanted Dorm Room needs cleaning. *doffs hat* But enough with my yammering. Let's see what's going on in Chapter 3!  
  
The illustration for this chapter can be found at http://yinandyang.keenspace.com/images/enchantedforest.jpg  
  
Chapter 3: Smashed Mirrors, Stuff Trashbins, and Silly Kings -or- Cimorene talks some sense  
  
  
  
Cimorene was just about to see what was taking Mendanbar so long when she heard the distinct sound of shattering glass and a string of curses. Not taking any chances, she hiked up her hastily put on dress and ran as fast as she could to the main hallway.   
When she arrived, she noticed the remains of a mirror by the left wall. A magic mirror, but not theirs. 'Who would bother sending a magic mirror when they could just use the one they had?' She noticed the silver frame was pompously frilly, and naggingly reminded her of something...  
Her thoughts were interrupted another string of curses from the kitchen, along with the sounds of a struggle. Cautiously, Cimorene sneaked up to the swinging door, hoping she wasn't too late to save her husband. Determining the attacker had his back to the door, she burst in, hoping to knock him with the frying pan.  
Instead, she was met with the strange sight of her husband trying to stuff the messenger into the trash bin. "Mendanbar! What in the world are you doing?" Cimorene planted both hands on her hips.  
Her husband shot her an annoyed glance, and then returned to the task at hand. Only after he had placed the lid on the trashcan did he turn around, a slightly pleased look on his face. "Sorry, but he really did deserve it."  
Cimorene crossed her arms. "Does this have anything to do with the smashed magic mirror in the hallway?"  
At the mention of the mirror, Mendanbar's face fell. "Cimorene, do you know the King of Eldanberg?"  
Cimorene knitted her brow in thought. "I think so. But he was a prince when we met. In fact, I think he tried to rescue me at one point. He was very much miffed by the fact that I didn't do things properly. He was such a stickler for tradition. He was more than slightly angered by the idea of being beaten by a girl as well. Nothing like you of course." Mendanbar blushed slightly. "Why do you ask?"  
Mendanbar leaned on the table with a bitter sigh. "That makes a little sense, now. The King of Eldanberg has declared war on the Enchanted Forest." He looked up to see how she took the news.  
She took it only slightly better than he did. "What?" she asked, still shocked. Then, as it sunk in, she walked over to the trash bin, and gave it a good kick. "Stupid, little, rotten headed, pompous windbag! How dare he!" She gave the poor trash bin another kick, and a tiny whimper echoed inside. She turned back to her husband, who had sagged slightly. "Can I see the message?"  
Mendanbar dropped his head. "It was recorded on the mirror, which now lies in pieces in the hallway. I wasn't really thinking when after heard the message." The King of the Enchanted Forest's shoulders sagged a bit more.  
Cimorene sat next to her husband, and placed an arm around him, bringing him into a hug. "You're the King of the Enchanted Forest. Why can't you fix the mirror?"  
Mendanbar looked up, and blinked several times. "Oh, right. I forgot about that."  
A laugh escaped from Cimorene's lips. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Sometimes I wonder if you aren't as silly as all those princesses you groan about all the time."  
That caused him to look up with a mock-annoyed look. "Don't you dare compare me to that stupid air-headed-"  
Another kiss stopped his talking. "I'd never be that mean to you, Mendanbar. Let's fix that mirror, and see how pompous the King of Elanberg really is compared to you." She led Mendanbar out of the kitchen.  
"I love my wife." He said, a dreamy grin plastered on his face.  
  
A high, querulous voice emitted from the trash can. "Would someone let me out? Please?"  
  
After an hour (most of it spent trying to piece back the mirror), Mendanbar and Cimorene studied the message from the mirror.  
"That's him alright. A tad rounder, but still just as silly. He definitely either was told he had to do this, or read it out of silly book. Oh wait!" A grin spread over her face. "Can you rewind that just little bit?"  
. "There! I knew he was too silly for his own good. I think we can use this against him." Mendanbar frowned in concentration, and the mirror went back to the very end of the message Cimorene tapped the glass of the mirror.  
"What is it?"  
"Well, he says, 'I'm afraid I must declare war on you, King Mendanbar of the Enchanted Forest'. He doesn't declare war on the Enchanted Forest itself, only you." Cimorene frowned with thought.  
Mendanbar looked at her quizzically. "How does that help us?"  
She shrugged. "I'm not sure. But I'm sure we'll think of something. If we can't figure it out, I'm sure we can find someone who can."  
He nodded thoughtfully, then stood up. "I guess this means we should be calling on the usual cast of characters? I hope Telemain doesn't mind being dragged away from his experiments again. You know how he is when he gets into things." He offered her a hand up.  
She accepted, and allowed him to drag her up. "Oh, don't think he'll mind too much. He'll like the idea of being a trusted advisor to the King of the Enchanted forest. It's Kazul I'm worried about. She's bound to want to burn the entire country down."  
Mendanbar snorted, as if wishing he could blow fire. "Doesn't sound so bad."  
Cimorene patted her husband on the shoulder, and pecked him on the cheek. "You don't really mean that, now do you? Ordinary people don't usually pick their kings, or agree with them. That's why they're so silly. No point in punishing a country just for a stupid king."  
"But he's going to be punishing a lot more people if he tries to go to war. People who are under my protection, as my subjects in the Enchanted Forest. I don't like this." Mendanbar grumbled.  
"Well, let's call up our friends and see if we can't fix this mess." Cimorene linked arms with her husband and they walked into the study.  



	4. Magicans, Chortles, and Clumsy Kings –or...

Oooh! Round four, already? I must really like you people. I don't usually write this much, even for my 20 page history papers! Whew! It's bad enough that I'm still writing this, but it seems that Mendanbar escaped, stole my cherries jubilee, and then ran off with Cimorene.   
I knew I shouldn't have left the fanfiction window open...  
Please Read and Review, and for those special people who have already, THANK YOU!!!! Tell me if this still is going ok.  
  
Chapter 4: Magicans, Chortles, and Clumsy Kings -or- Mendanbar apologizes  
  
The shorter man looked over Mendanbar's shoulder with interest. "You smashed it, but were able to place it back together without the message being destroyed? Fascinating! Would you do it again? I must admit the idea of recording a message on a mirror is ingenious, if a tad silly. To have the molecular structure hold the message like a puzzle, thus allow play back on the imprinted message even if the mirror was damaged in handling. Huh." He scratched his beard thoughtfully.  
"If you want me to repeat it exactly as I did before, we'll have to get the messenger out of the trashbin, and let me stuff him back in again, Telemain." Mendanbar grinned slightly at the satisfaction he had gotten giving the loud mouth messenger his due.  
Morwen gave Mendanbar a look of slight irritation. "Mendanbar, I'm ashamed of you! How would you like it if someone stuff you into a trashcan just for waking them up? 'Don't shoot the messenger.'"  
He looked up, looking slightly miffed at the comic. "I don't wake people up, and that wasn't the problem. He insulted my steward, and told him that he did care if he was 'interrupting the king's sex life.' So I say he deserved it." Mendanbar crossed his arms and sat back in his chair. "And, of course, the mirror was the final blow."  
Morwen blinked, and then shrugged. "I can't argue that logic. However, have you thought to ask him about the situation? In exchange for being, ah, released from the trashbin?"  
"She's right, you know, Mendanbar." Everyone turned to see Cimorene walked in, followed by the dragon Kazul. Kazul, upon hearing the news of the impending war against her former princess and good friend, had toasted some of the trees nearest the castle. Now in a slightly better mood, she was all for helping getting rid of this nuisance.  
Mendanbar grumbled and sulked a bit. "Leave him in there. The stupid, good for nothing messenger from a two bit kingdom that now wants to go to war with me..." He slumped his shoulders and scowled.  
His wife looked at him with bemused interest, before leaning over and kissing him softly on the cheek. "You are such a big baby at times. But the sooner we get him out, the sooner we know how to solve this, and the sooner things get to go back to normal." She kissed him again, and whispered in his ear, "Don't forget the promise you made this morning."  
Mendanbar's head jerked up at that. "I'll be right back with him." And he ran to the kitchen.  
Telemain and Morwen both looked at each other, and then quizzically at Cimorene, who watched her husband nearly run straight into the kitchen door. Telemain turned to see the King successfully hit himself in the backside with the swinging door. "Why didn't he use his transportation spell?"  
Morwen chuckled slightly at Telemain obivious statement. Kazul, who was quite aware of everything said, let out a very dragonish chortle at the clumsier-than-usual King of the Enchanted Forest.  
  
"Telemain, don't even think about it! Put that mirror down now!" Morwen held onto the mirror that the magician had just tried to drop. After swatting him lightly on the head, she put the mirror back down in the middle of the table.  
Telemain frowned and rubbed his head. "I was interested in seeing how the mirror reacted to the stress of being shattered at a tall height to see if indeed the magical interface would be affected, or if that the image percieved by the eye was unharmed in smaller form...." Morwen quite finished with listening to him ramble on, swatted him a little harder and lead him back to the group.  
The messenger, having been fished out of the trash bin by Mendanbar, had provided some useful information. It turns out he hadn't wished to be so rude, but he had thought The King of the Enchanted Forest was a friend of the King of Eldanberg. It seemed that the King of Eldanberg, being a very silly prince and now a very silly king, had taken into his head that he could run the country himself, with only a few trusted advisors. This, as any true student of politics knows, spelled out disaster for the kingdom. Naturally, all in the kingdom had a very simmering hatred for the new silly king.  
Mendanbar grimaced at the horrible stories the messenger told. "Maybe if we wait a month, he'll be overthrown."  
Morwen shook her head. "Knowing how 'traditional' this king is, he's probably got himself some wizard protecting him. He's probably gathering troops now, getting ready to attack. How, how I'd like to know, though. Isn't Eldanberg across the Mountains of Morning?"  
Cimorene nodded. "Now that you mention it, this sounds more and more like a plot thought up by the wizards to take over the Enchanted Forest. Not many people know how the king is picked, and they might assume if Eldanberg attacks, King," Cimorene thought a moment, trying to remember the idiot's name, "Humphert will become the new King of the Enchanted Forest. Then he could hand them the way to start sucking the magic out of the Forest again."  
They pondered this all in silence for a moment before Cimorene spoke up again. "Well, that settles it. I'm going to do what should have done in the first place." With that, she began walking over to the study.  
"Do what, Cimorene?" Mendanbar got up to go with her.  
"I'm to call up the King of Eldanberg."  



	5. Cuddly thoughts, duels, and study doors ...

Untitled 

I'm baaaack! After one heck of an evil month, I've come back with another chapter for this little story. I'm quite upset to see there are no new stories in this section. Is really that hard to write for this great series? There is not enough Mendanbar and Cimorene as it is! If you're worried about plot and subtleties, write smut. Ain't nothing wrong with that. (I did mention that I'm possessed by the Sordid Novela Romanticus demon, right?) 

Anyways, here's chapter five. I would love many, many, more reviews, but if you use that time instead to write another fic for this section, it's fine. Otherwise, I want to see LOTS of reviews. Good, bad, or ugly, I don't care *^_^*! (Though I'm still surprised no one made a comment on the picture for chapter 3. Ah well) 

Chapter 5: Cuddly thoughts, duels, and study doors -or- everybody thinks. 

Cimorene sat in front of the mirror in the study, trying to calm herself down. Although she couldn't hear him, she knew that Mendanbar stood just outside the door, his ear pressed against the hard oak door, waiting to catch what the King of Eldanberg had to say. 

She smiled at the image. Mendanbar worried for her, not because it was his duty, or some silly notion of chivalry, but because he loved her. Despite two months of being married to him, she had to admit she was still amazed at his capacity to love her for being her, not a princess or a comodity. And she loved him all the more for it. Even now, when she had helped bring the troubled wizards after him. 

Wizards. Her nose crinkled at the thought of them. Antorell alone was annoying enough, and just the thought of wizards trying to start a war over the Enchanted Forest made her bristle. Unfortunately, if they were behind the King of Eldanberg, it would be even harder to dislodge him from the idea of attacking the Forest. 

Cimorene tried to distinguish him from the various other princes that had once come to "rescue" her from Kazul. She frowned in distaste as she remembered his inability to grasp the idea that Cimorene wouldn't even let him fight Kazul, and the she herself had beaten him in personal combat. He almost had Cimorene worried that he might resort to unprincely methods to take her. The more she thought of him, the more she realized that he was an almost opposite of Mendanbar. While Mendanbar was tall, ravened haired and very good natured, Humpbert was shorter than she was, blonde, and nearly always had a scowl on his face. Although she was not one to judge a book by it's cover, the mere sight of Humpbert was horrible to remember. Hair greased flat against his skull, and make-up running down his face with the sweat of midday sun, he had demanded to see Kazul in 'mortal combat'. Never even bothered to ask Cimorene if Kazul was even in. She should have just made everyone's life easier and whacked off his head (or some other piece of his anatomy...) when she had the chance. 

But she was putting this off. She had to find out why he was invading The Enchanted Forest. She owed Mendanbar at least that. She sighed, steeled herself for the worst, and looked at the mirror on the wall. 

"Mirror, Mirror on the wall, I would like to make a call." 

Mendanbar sat outside the door of the study, trying to justify why he was sitting there. Cimorene would tell him everything about the conversation, so there was no real reason to listen in. But something compelled him to sit as close as he could to the door. Although unfounded, his heaart still ached with worry at the idea of Cimorene facing Humpert without being able to be there with her. He sighed sloftly and once again pressed his ear against the oak door. 

Morwen and Telemain watched Mendanbar from their seat on the bench, not too far down the hall. 

"He looks awful. He really is smitten with her, don't you think, Telemain?" Morwen took her eyes off the young king to look at her friend. 

Telemain looked up. "Hmm? Oh, yes. I was just thinking about that message. Cimorene's right. He did declare war on just Mendanbar. But how can that help? If anything, it makes the situation worse, Mendanbar gets to fight an entire army by himself. I don't see an easy way out of this. Why to most people have to be so silly, as Cimorene would say?" He rested his chin on his knuckles and went back to working the problem over in his head. 

Morwen, too, mulled over the problem of the King of Eldanberg. What could she do? What could any of them do? She worried that if they didn't come up with something soon, Mendanbar would get something silly his head, like sacrificing himself to protect the Forest and Cimorene. He was a very sensible person most of the time, but when it came to Cimorene, he turned into a lovesick puppy. 

Wait. The King of Eldanberg declared war on Mendanbar, but not the kingom of Eldanberg. So in all technicalities, it was a duel. And if history was any template, those were much easier to work around than wars. 

There was hope yet. 

Document created with wvWare/wvWare version 0.6.7 -->


	6. Ill-fitting hats, Village idiots, and Co...

*Gasp* Eeek! Boy, did I let this sit on the back burner for a long time. Sorry! Wait, why an I apologizing. I blame everything on the cat! But, boy am I happy to see more stories in this archive! YAAAY! Please keep them coming! Also thank you all for your wonderful comments. And now to answer a couple of questions that people have been asking *puts on her glasses, comfy chair, portable fireplace, and pulls out her long list of questions*.  
  
Yes France and Germany exist in the EFC universe- England does, so why not them? I'm lazy with names, ok?  
  
Why fluff and innuendoes? It's fun to write, and all I can write.  
  
I keep Mendanbar with duct tape and Austrian Polkas. Seems that they put him to sleep…  
  
Yes, Daystar will be appearing, and hopefully Shiara, in the next story of this crazy little universe, but in a different way than the books. I'm starting to call this AU "The Ellipses Universe" seeing as all the titles end with them….  
  
Yes, I am writing another story, called "Baby Woes…" And that's all I'm saying, for now.  
  
So keep those reviews and more Mendanbar/Cimorene stories! I think Mendanbar really needs to stopped being gypped! He never did nothing to you!  
  
And now for our feature presentation  
  
Chapter 6: Ill-fitting hats, Village idiots, and Conspiracies –or- A solution?  
  
Cimorene tried not to grimace. When she had gotten the palace of Eldanberg on the mirror, a steward had answered. But despite her hopes, the King was in, and had rushed to get to the mirror as soon as he heard that the call was from the Enchanted Forest.  
  
He was just as greasy and grotesque as before, and a sheen of sweat from running to the mirror left trails down his brow. He was dressed in extravagancies that must have cost a fortune out of his people's pockets: from the ermine trim to the hat heavily embroidered with gold crammed down on his head. It was obvious he had been waiting for Mendanbar to call. It wasn't completely unknown that the King of the Enchanted Forest had occasionally 'strange' dressing habits, even though most didn't realize it was his own choice and preference, not out of lack of resources.  
  
Surprisingly, Humpbert seemed almost disappointed that it was Cimorene who had called, and not Mendanbar. His lips soon formed a sneer though, and his voice dripped with an almost perverted tone. "Why, Cimorene! You're looking…ravishing, as always."  
  
Cimorene shivered involuntarily at the vile undertones. "That's Queen Cimorene to you. What is this all about, *Prince* Humpbert? Please don't tell me you're planning to violate thousands of regulations and treaties just to prove you're not the sniveling idiot you really are. Such an idea is stupid, and you know it!"  
  
Humpbert scowled at her. "This throne is rightfully mine, so address me a King, you stuck up princess! The Enchanted Forest has caused more harm to every kingdom with all the improper…things that come out of it! I'm doing the world a favor!" He glared at her, his face now a dark beet red. "King Mendanbar has one hour to call and respond to the formal declaration of war. Or else!" His glare became a menacing grin.  
  
Cimorene stared right back; she wasn't losing an argument that easily. "Or you'll what? Start a war?"  
  
"Why- How dare- I'll…ARGH!" Humpbert made a move to grab his hat and throw it to the ground, but stopped suddenly, and a wave of fright passed on his face. Just as soon as it happened, he ended the call.  
  
Cimorene blinked. What in heavens had just happened?  
  
Mendanbar strained to hear the rest of the conversation. He was quite pleased at Cimorene's retorts; even more happy that they were in favor of him.  
  
A few moments after hearing a high-pitched squeal, the door pushed against him. Cimorene called from behind it. "Mendanbar, it's bad enough that you go listening like that, but could move so I can finally get out of here?"  
  
Mendanbar scooted back, and looked up sheepishly up at his wife. "Sorry?"  
  
She looked at him for a moment in mock hatred, before a grin spread and ruined the image. "C'mon, let's get you off the floor. Upsie-daisy!" After straining to pull him up, she embraced him, letting herself be smothered for a moment. Then she turned to Morwen and Telemain.  
  
"Can we figure out a plan quickly? Just talking to that…thing make me feel dirty." Cimorene rubbed her arms absently, coming to rest on his husband's hand. She then looked around. "Where's Kazul?"  
  
Morwen smiled. "She's taking a short nap outside of the kitchen. I would suggest you would wake her up, seeing that you're the only one who's immune to dragon fire, in case she forgets where she is. We'll catch up." She nodded at Telemain, who was intently examining the portable enchanted mirror. "Seems he's forgotten we're even here."  
  
Kazul did not end up roasting anyone, and the five conspirators reviewed Cimorene's conversation with him.  
  
Morwen held her chin in thought. "The farther and farther we get into this, the less and less I think that wizards are involved in this at all."  
  
Telmain, still slightly absorbed with the mirror, nodded. "Quite possibly, it may be a underlying factor that we have yet to postulate. Is there perhaps another hypothesis for his displeasure with the Enchanted Forest? Maybe something that has to do with his malformation in his cranium?"  
  
Morwen, Cimorene, and Kazul blinked. "What?"  
  
"He seems to have to be hiding something on his head. See?" He proffered the mirror, which showed King Humpbert. Only now, it was obvious that the crown he wore was shoved farther down his head than one would expect. "I would suspect an enchantment of some sort. But I can't think of any that would somehow make him blame the Enchanted Forest…. Elves and Fairies exist in many places, as well as witches, enchanters…."  
  
"Enchantments! That's it!" Everyone turned to Mendanbar, who looked rather pleased with himself. "I think I know what's going on. Now, if we can get this to work…." 


	7. Scorecards, Armor, and One-upping -or- C...

BWAHAHA! I'm back! I got the hint with that lovely 50 line "hurry" message review, (hey, I got thesises to work on here!) And now for the action bits! Whohoo! Sorry, less fluff than usual in bit, as it's semi- serious. I hope this doesn't seem too out of character, if makes more sense when you read the ending….speaking of which:  
  
I'm so happy at the amount of stories that have been put in this archive! YAY! But I'm noticing that there isn't enough Mendy and Cimorene lovin' in here. So, I'll make a deal. I'll post the final chapter of this fic, as well as the first chapter to my NEW story, but only if two of four things happen:  
  
I get 50 or more reviews (that's not too hard to do, is it?)  
  
Someone writes what the hell Mendanbar was thinking about for all those seventeen years- I mean, I'm surprised he didn't either go nuts or as soon as he got free lock himself with Cimorene in the bedroom for two weeks (cough)  
  
Someone write a good old fashion naughty fic with Mendy and Cimorene. I mean the one in here doesn't count. Too dang short.  
  
A good old fashioned fluff fic. Y'know, like what Mendanbar and Cimorene did at the beach. And where the heck is there a beach?!  
  
I know this is a lot to ask for, but I can try, can't I? Don't worry, I'll probably post it anyway, but if would be nice….anyway, thank you so much for reading this little farce, and hope it lives up to your expectations. Now on to the story….  
  
Chapter 7: Scorecards, Armor, and One-upping -or- Checkmate!  
  
Mendanbar stood at the edge of the Enchanted Forest looking out at the incoming entourage. He really didn't like the idea of standing out in plain view (even though he was well prepared for any sneakiness they might have up their sleeves), particularly just before a duel. But he steeled himself, for a little while longer at least- it was enough that the darned was agreeing to this in the first place.  
  
Remembering the conversation brought a smile dangerously close to Mendanbar's lips- what a hoot that had been. Not only had King Humpbert nearly exploded at the humiliation at being pointed out his mistakes, Mendanbar had the satisfaction to notice that it seemed that Humpbert had not been alone while Mendanbar had calmly explained that he had been challenged solely to a duel, not a full fledged war. Several important looking figures stood behind the silly headed king in the mirror, and had seemed quite relieved that they were no longer tied up in their majesty's silly revenges. The current tally: Mendanbar: 1 (2 if you counted him marrying Cimorene), Humpbert: -10.  
  
Cimorene stood behind Mendanbar, trying desperately not to beg him to forget the whole thing and just deal with the King of Eldanberg from afar. But she also knew that it would be most effective if he did it this way. She still had insisted that he wore armor, though. That alone had taken a good part of an afternoon, going through the armory, trying to pieces that would fit together to make a passable protection, in case Humpbert didn't give Mendanbar adequate time to put his plan into motion right away.  
  
She had tried not to stare at her handiwork after she had strapped on the last grieve on his leg. Although she had never fancied armor, particularly on the various princes and knights that had tried to rescue her as Kazul's princess, but on Mendanbar, it looked purposeful. Although logic told her that it was more than likely Mendanbar outclassed the traditional king in skill and cunning, she still fretted over the forthcoming duel. The tip of her mouth quirked slightly. So this is what true love felt like. It wasn't so silly as the stories made it out to be. But then again, she wasn't as silly as a normal princess generally was, either.  
  
Morwen gazed thoughtfully at the approaching caravan from the spot Telemain and she had selected to make sure no tricks were pulled that might cause Mendanbar to lose his disadvantage. She turned to Telemain, who was doodling out some formula on a scrap piece of parchment. "Well?" she inquired, trying to follow the calculations being sketched out.  
  
"I'm quite amazed at the great detail that such a plan would have required if the said parties are behind this charade of intrigue. The need to know someone's in such psychoanalytical terms would need a great deal of study and a great deal of manipulation. Such that I can only come to the conclusion that-" He paused as Kazul lowered her head to stare him in the eye.  
  
"In understandable terms, if you would." A slight puff of smoke drizzled from her nostrils, making the young magician uneasy.  
  
'Um, er, I think this all happened by accident. I don't think the wizards are even capable of thinking up something this long term."  
  
Morwen nodded with satisfaction. "In short, they're much too dumb to be able to cook up something like this."  
  
Kazul snorted. "And I was looking forward to biting into a few more wizards. Oh, well. Looks like we best make ourselves scarce." The dragon craned her neck to peer around the trees to the edge of the forest. "We've got company."  
  
Mendanbar did his best to keep his calm as the galloping horses grew ever closer. 1000 feet….500 feet…  
  
The seven horses skidded to a halt at the edge of the forest, a scant 5 feet from where Mendanbar stood, his naked sword in front of him, hands resting on the pommel. He felt slightly silly standing here, but Morwen and Cimorene had argued that Humpbert needed to be taken down a few notches, even before they implemented the plan. And, much to his satisfaction, it was working pretty well, if the nervous guardsmen dealing with the bucking horses were any indication.  
  
King Humbpert, decked out in the most ridiculous armor, right down to the ornate helm pushed slightly back on his head, jumped down from his horse and strode purposefully forward. "Cheap charlatan tricks won't help you here, Mendanbar." He spat out the name as if it were a noxious poison. "Is that any way to greet your guest?"  
  
Mendanbar shrugged, or at least as well he could with the armor on. "The Forest keeps out those who are self pretentious. It decides on it's own who can enter."  
  
Humpbert sneered and strode over the border. "Oh, really? I'll have no problems, then." He noticed Cimorene little way behind her husband, standing proud and tall. "Ah, Princess Cimorene, you are as lovely as ever."  
  
Cimorene suppressed a shiver that threatened to travel the length of her spine. Mendanbar schooled his face into a mask of indifference, not betraying the sudden urge to skewer the beast in front of him. "That is King Mendanbar and Queen Cimorene of the Enchanted Forest, King Humpbert." He noted not to let Willian hear about his sudden need for proper titles. He'd never get the elf to stop if he heard about this.  
  
"Yes, yes. How callous of me." Humpbert mockingly bowed to Mendanbar.  
  
This was exactly Mendanbar had hoped for. Before his opponent could react, Mendanbar gripped his sword and quickly swung in an arc toward the kneeling king's head.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED! 


	8. Ears, Fears, and Happy endings –or- Mend...

Chapter 8: Ears, Fears, and Happy endings –or- Mendanbar solves a riddle  
  
Mendanbar's sword swung down hard, singing with deadly force…  
  
And it impacted squarely on Humpbert's ornate helm, sending it flying into the nearby brush.  
  
Everyone stopped and stared. Humpbert shhok with shock, a nervous hand grabbing for the missing helm.  
  
Mendanbar looked sternly down his sword at the pompous intruder. Then, slowly, his expression wavered. He chuckled, and then, shook with hidden laughter. Finally he let loose a full-throated laugh. Soon, every one, even Humpbert's own guards, joined in, some even rolling on the ground. Kazul crisped a large beech nearby. Cimorene leaned on Morwen, who was in turn supported by Telemain. All could not stop laughing at the sight of the King of Eldanberg.  
  
For on the top of his head were two, long, floppy donkey ears.  
  
King Humpbert screeched at the top of his lungs, his face turning a rather interesting shade of purple as his expression switched intermittently from anger to embarrassment.  
  
After laughing of all the stress of the past week from the whole ordeal, Mendanbar schooled his expression to one of wise bemusement. "I take this is the real reason you decided to attack me and my country?"  
  
Humpbert scowled up at the King of the Enchanted Forest and lunged to grabbed his sword. "Yes, you stup-" But Mendanbar moved the tip of the sword to the rotund throat, and the scowl was replaced with barely masked fear. "Yes, damn you. It's because of this abomination of a land that we normal people get cursed with such ailments! You're harboring villains and witches, when this entire forest should be burned to the ground! The wizards were right to try and destroy it! I-" He stuttered to a stop as Mendanbar pushed the sharpened edge, allowing a droplet of blood to bead at the tip.  
  
Mendanbar held back the urge to hack the poor excuse for a man in front of him to pieces. Breathe, he reminded himself. "King Humpbert, you prove yourself to be a truly petty and ignorant man. While the Enchanted Forest is magical in nature, it is not the source of most of the magical things in the world, nor is it the only place practitioners of magic live. Every country has its criminals, but the Enchanted Forest prides itself in making sure that any fugitives are rooted out and dealt with. As for your ailment, donkey lettuce happens to grow everywhere around the world, not just the enchanted forest, and any herbalist or healer could tell you it's cure. But having now dealt with you, I now understand why no one would want to give you help. Your country is starving, and your people grow restless as you frolic in expensive clothes! You, rat, give kingship a bad name."  
  
Mendanbar let a small scowl seep through and he grabbed the shaken foreign king by his collar and hauled him up. Several of the guards who weren't completely stunned moved to defend their king, but Kazul stepped between them and the two kings. They quickly set off at running away. "Now," Mendanbar growled, "you have a choice. Either I kill you now, and let everyone see your wonderful ass ears, or I let you go and give you the cure, on the condition that you fix up your act and start listening to your citizens. It's your decision."  
  
"Alright! Alright! I'll do it! I'm too young to die! I'll do whatever you say!" King Humpbert slumped back to the ground, pulling on his large ears.  
  
Behind the trees, Cimorene, Morwen, Telemain and several hundred Eldanbarg citizens (watching thanks to a magic mirror set up by Telemain and a fellow magician) cheered.  
  
Two weeks later, things were back to normal in the Enchanted Forest, and the castle was bustling as usual. Mendanbar sat in his study quietly going over the latest treaty of the various clans of elves when a quiet rap at the door made him look up. "Come in."  
  
Cimorene stepped in the room and closed the door behind her. "Well, I think everything is working smoothly as it can. I must say, this is a crazy little kingdom, but," She kissed Mendanbar on the cheek, "I'm glad I'm a part of it. Particularly if it means being married to you." She giggled as Mendanbar pulled her into his lap.  
  
"Well, as long as I don't have to deal with any more crazy former suitors of yours, I'll be quite happy being married to you." He rested his chin on the top of her head, and rocked slightly before sighing. "You know, I was so close to killing him. He made me mad, even worse than those stupid wizards-"  
  
"But you didn't. And that makes you so much more of a man and a king than he could ever be." She kissed him on the tip of his nose. "That's the reason why I love you. You're so special. And sensible." She grinned, and Mendanbar couldn't help but smile back.  
  
"You know, now that they don't need to run to me every time something come up, we could take that honeymoon we talked about…" Mendanbar's smile grew into a devious grin. Without further ado, he hoisted his wife unto his shoulder and strode out of the study.  
  
"Mendanbar!" Cimorene shrieked, playfully pounding on his back.  
  
The royal bedroom's door slammed with a resounding thud.  
  
-The End-  
  
Wheee! It's finished! After 8 chapters and surprising even myself on how it would turn out, I'm glad it's over. If you enjoyed this story, or think it could be improved upon, write a review and tell me! Should I continue with the misadventures of Mendanbar and Cimorene? (I got about a dozen other situations I want to throw them into) Thanks to everyone who reviewed it and make it possible to reach 50 reviews(!), and special thanks to Penmage, Morwen and Lady Alanna who encouraged me and made specific contributions to this utterly silly story. Also thanks to all the folks who took up our challenges and added over 20 new stories to this section! I hope I didn't disappoint in this ending. Maybe with enough encouragement, I'll write what goes on behind that bedroom door (Trust me, it's not all what you think, honest!).  
  
So long! Jess Idres :) 


End file.
